Getting rich and famous and maybe even a Turner Prize

OK...


Set the scene... Just met big eared boz eyed fool that presents Dragon's Den and I am now walking up the stairs into the dark and dingy loft more famously known as the.... 'Den'.


"Hello... My name is Alex Gibson and I am here today to ask for an investment of £100,000k for a share of 25% of my ludicrous idea.


I am an modern artist and it is my dream to win the Turner Prize. Through countless efforts of gaining recognition failing, I have turned to the Dragon's for help.


My ludicrous idea is thus... Your investment will go towards an audacious and enormous publicity stunt to get me fame. This will in turn escalate the demand of my art work and therefore increase the price tags to a handsome figure. This will make your investment worth while because essentially, it is a limitless endless supply of money for you doing nothing.


Thank you for your time.... If you have any questions I will gladly answer them."

Fucking sick!

Paparazzi Six Pack!

I asked myself why ennit! More money than sense! As if people weren't gonna notice you had contour surgery on your stomach when the rest of you is flabby! It makes him look like a Mutant Ninja Turtle.  WANKER!

Mix the two together and look what you get!

A DEAD RINGER!

Confessions of the uneducated!

"See right, yeah? fingeh... she was pokin' her nose in and ended up puttin' 2 and 2 together and getting 4"

-Some geezer in a bar complaining about his mother in law. Obviously not quite got hold of that well known saying yet... still, there is time maybe even hope.

My bike in all its glory

Fast Orange is a beaute!!!

MosBeef Cycle Couriers

http://www.facebook.com/pages/MosBeef-Cycle-Couriers/264467070246457?sk=info

Riots and that

the riots for me began with excitement,

proletariate uprising against the government

making history, a sensationalists Ideal

making a mockery of sir robert peel!

future generations rebelling in unison

domino attacks with no real reason

"fuck the police they can't touch us"

Across the UK this was the general consensus

Astounded at what I was hearing

these kids ideals were not endeering

looting and robbery violence so mindless

"I want that TV", shop keepers defenseless.

Sound bites memorised, plucked from the media.

the world's not black and white it's tone is more sepia.

Miss quotes used for justification

convenient media a tool of indoctrination

This isn't making a stand against oppression

it's a way of feeding greed, an unhealthy obssession

consumer goods the latest threads

we need to put a stop to this before it spreads

I'm 26, working part time and soon to be homeless

the future looks bleak, I soldier on regardless

no prospect of employment for the forseeable future

Dark dark times, no feeling of rapture

peaceful protest might be the answer

but they never listen, Cameron's a Wanker!

Honestly I have no political agenda.

the juxta postion is... my life in all its splendour!

times are dark I feel hard done by.

but lets stop whining and take a step back.

look

Listen and

realise!

compared to other countries...

England's a fucking holiday camp!

Inks and the way they make me feel

Writing in Red ink makes me feel powerful,

Writing in Black ink makes me feel normal,

Writing in blue ink makes me feel naval (not like a belly button)

Writing in Green ink makes me feel wholesome and earthly.

Service with a smile

the people that I serve at work,

are simply not of this earth.

iridescent glaze shimmering in their eyes,

abject despair erupting from mine!

"hello there sir what can I get you?" in my best butlers accent...

after all it's a service I offer but only if they want it.

see, sometimes they look at you shocked by the question,

Frown on their face showing signs of aggression.

THEN.....

Expression in vowels only heard in their household

deciphering noises only familiar to grouses.

speaking in tongues

gobble d gook

balderdash

spouting utter shit!

you are not answering my question, I'm thinking.

He then addresses me, casually winking.

lips smacking with a rhythmic chew,

I reckon this Bellend's already had a few.

"Pint of Lager..."

WHAT!? STOP!

who can tell me what this cretin has just said to me!?

there are a number of things missing from this sentence, including an apology!

Rewind ten seconds and repeat after me...

"May I have a pint of Heineken... barman..... please?"

I don't ask for much whilst pandering to their needs

common courtesy and manners is all.

comply to those small requests and we'll all have a ball.

yes I do get paid... but that isn't the point.

let me crash your workplace and put your nose out of joint.

Yeah, I didn't think so,

See you might have a higher position in society than me,

but when it comes to it you need me more than you think,

the one you hold in such contempt,

is the one you cannot do without.

We are the Aristocracy of the working class, bar men unite.

next time you want a beer mate;

YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!

Drinking out of cups!

Probably one of the funniest things i have seen in a long time. it gets funnier the more you watch it!

Iband!

Fing is right, i know it is well gay but it is fucking cool!

living room and essentials

Thing is right. I really like this hat but i think it makes me look like a plank. Anyway i have recently been dressing as "G" as i possibly know how. Including the dog tags etc. But this little beauty should not be overlooked. For me it is the icing on the cake. Nike SB you have excelled yourselves in making ridiculously coloured and shaped hats cool! I really do hope that someone brings out a hat with a propella on it soon! That would complete a dickheads outfit!

hipstamatic app for iphone

Christmas Digital Press

This image at first was leaning towards making fun of the Council and how they decorate the town with such tacky decorations. After spending twenty minutes there I really began to feel Christmassy and decided that they are not tacky at all; The council have been really community minded and provided the public with an attraction. People specifically come into town to have a look at these decorations, bring there kids and really get into the Christmas spirit.

This image portrays the busy high street on lead up to christmas. People still prefer to shop in person than shop online.

Wedding Photography

I am now available to photograph weddings with a number of packages available

please get in contact with me mosbeef@hotmail.com

All rights reserved MosBeef Photography © 2010

Graffiti what i found on my computer by me!

Lion Estates gig at sumo 18/11/2010

Using my trusty Sony A300 with the on board flash set to slow sync!

All rights reserved to MosBeef Photography © 2010

Slow Sync Flash

Horse what was running around in Aylestone meadows

Finally got off my ass and took my new Sigma 70-300mm on a wildlife mission. I found this pack of horses (or whatever the collective noun for a bunch of horses is) again, we are experiencing shite light and i was scared the image was gonna look flat. I am reasonably pleased with the results. It definitely has an autumnal feel to it. None the less it is a beautiful animal and fully aware I was there

This second baby was taking when the same horse was approaching me to have a drink i was a good 35-40ft away and was not zoomed all the way in. Despite the fact that all the colours compliment each other in a mid october fashion there is still great clarity and contrast between subject and background. Hope you enjoy.

Flower what is in my garden

I took this in bob light in my garden with my new Sigma 70-300m telephoto lens using the Macro capability. It is just a test of what this baby can do. at first I thought it was gonna be great. I still believe that for a budget lens it is great. However, it is not the quickest of lenses and boy it is loud. I had great difficulty in focussing on the subject, but this is my first time using the lens and come to think of it the first encounter with a telephoto of this distance, so I am hoping I get to grips with it and get better results soon. I just need the photographers of this world to hold metaphorical hands and pray for better light!

Tragic old EDL sympathiser

This elderly man had completely the wrong end of the stick. He wasn't allowed in the protest area so this was as close as he could get. He was surrounded by photographers and film makers documenting the days events. as the protest grew older, he grew bigger balls and eventually tried his hand at protesting in the most distasteful manner; wailing, jeering in an indecipherable way.

To be quite honest, at this point I began to fear for this plonker's safety. There was an increasing number of young Muslims growing behind us who were quite clearly angry about the presence of the EDL in the most multicultural city in the country if not the world! The atmosphere was never great but it began sinking lower! A friend of mine was trying to reason with the police to get this man out of here and somewhere he wasn't a loan protestor vulnerable to attack from any side. They took there time but eventually realised he was upsetting a number of those adorning green ribbons; the symbol of peace. He was escorted out of sight and wasn't to be seen for the rest of the day!

Interpret the photo how you will... comments are welcome.

EDL and UAF Protest 09/10/10

I must stipulate that all the images below belong to Mosbeef Photography and are copyrighted. Please do not use them without the consent of me. Email me at mosbeef@hotmail.com if you have any questions regarding these images