Service with a smile

the people that I serve at work,

are simply not of this earth.

iridescent glaze shimmering in their eyes,

abject despair erupting from mine!

"hello there sir what can I get you?" in my best butlers accent...

after all it's a service I offer but only if they want it.

see, sometimes they look at you shocked by the question,

Frown on their face showing signs of aggression.

THEN.....

Expression in vowels only heard in their household

deciphering noises only familiar to grouses.

speaking in tongues

gobble d gook

balderdash

spouting utter shit!

you are not answering my question, I'm thinking.

He then addresses me, casually winking.

lips smacking with a rhythmic chew,

I reckon this Bellend's already had a few.

"Pint of Lager..."

WHAT!? STOP!

who can tell me what this cretin has just said to me!?

there are a number of things missing from this sentence, including an apology!

Rewind ten seconds and repeat after me...

"May I have a pint of Heineken... barman..... please?"

I don't ask for much whilst pandering to their needs

common courtesy and manners is all.

comply to those small requests and we'll all have a ball.

yes I do get paid... but that isn't the point.

let me crash your workplace and put your nose out of joint.

Yeah, I didn't think so,

See you might have a higher position in society than me,

but when it comes to it you need me more than you think,

the one you hold in such contempt,

is the one you cannot do without.

We are the Aristocracy of the working class, bar men unite.

next time you want a beer mate;

YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!